The story advances and the ordeal upgrades.
After surviving what I thought was the worst day of my life. I was finally home, wearing my comfortable clothes, watching comedy on iPlayer and enjoying my drink
Unfortunately, the day didn’t end there. Suddenly, I was confronted and things went from bad to worse. My silence didn’t’ help me this time.
It was past midnight and the last thing I wanted was somebody relentlessly shouting at me. I decided to go to bed, hoping that the argument would fade.
There was something preplanned for me that I only discovered after a few months.
I ended up spending the rest of the night in a cold room without a blanket, away from home.
Everything changed as I returned the following day.
I don’t think that this memory will ever leave me, even though I have forgiven everyone involved. After this incident, I discovered that forgiving is easier than forgetting. Never thought of this before.
Anyway, when I returned, everything was confusing me, including my own life. There were millions of questions but not a single answer.
Despite recalling everything from the beginning, I couldn’t figure out what went wrong!!
The more I think about it, the lesser sense it was making.
I had to find answers to the questions that were killing me from inside.
I began with the laptop. First, I opened Google Chrome for internet search history. I found something really weird there. It didn’t make sense at all. The search history, which was a week older than the incident felt like a time machine. The search would have been normal if it was performed after the incident.
It didn’t feel right.
Then I found two MS word documents. One of them sounded like a monologue that “justified” the actions that happened a week after the creation of the document. It didn’t make sense at all.
The second one was addressed to me detailing every minor argument without any mention of the abuse. Another pre-justification !!
I renamed and copied both files into a different location and used software to corrupt them. I don’t know why I did it. I could have simply deleted it.
I suppose I didn’t want the person to know that I had read the documents.
Thanks to these two documents, everything was making sense.
It was undoubtfully preplanned. The strange behaviour, including meeting up stealthily with a friend because her husband hated visitors, the search history and the documentswere too perfectly timed to ignore as a coincidence.
Nothing hurts more than betrayal. Nothing is more disappointing than lies from a close one.
But life’s a lesson. It was painful and a few months of happy pills helped me get up and dust off.
Took me a while, but I finally managed to undepressmyself. I stopped taking the pills and started meditating.
Time is a healer, and a good teacher too.
after all of these, I found out that it is easy to forgive, but almost impossible to forget. Perhaps they’re things that are not meant to be forgotten. Perhaps, they are a reminder of things that can go awry any time, and perhaps these events make us appreciate life even more.
We certainly have to wait for the answers.
And the only reason I am sharing this is not to itch the scars, but to be grateful that I survived.
A month after this, I removed/unfollowed a bunch of people on social media. Purely because
nobody was there when I needed most. Some of them ignored me, whilst some barked at me, after hearing the one-sided story. Later, I discovered that most of my social media friends, including my family, was contacted and told their version of the story.
I wasn’t angry I was deeply disappointed.
Later, I realized that not everyone is capable to see the different sides of the coin. Some people simply can’t see the other side and for them, whatever appears in the foreground is the ultimate truth. To be fair, They believed what they were fed and didn’t question. But again, a lie needs to be told and the truth will prevail itself.
like Mark Twain said,
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on Its shoes.
I had to remove them because their silence was too loud for me to handle.
I also learned that some of us only see what we want to see, and do not have the abilities (or courage) to see the truth and question.
Because it’s easy to stick to the current belief. I think it is called confirmation bias. Our mind first creates a belief and constantly seeks the evidence to prove and defend it. This is also our survival instinct that is hardwired in our minds.
And yes, I learned all of these after the incident.
Life indeed teaches lessons every day. It’s up to us whether we want to be a good student or an ignorant, self-obsessed individual that refuses to leave our comfort zone.
I am taking every opportunity as life’s lessons and I believe I am closer to find true happiness.
Thank you, everyone, for this, active or not, You all had a role to play to help me understand more about myself, human life and the world we live in.