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To a liar, the most dangerous individual is the person who catches lies but doesn’t say anything about it. Then the liar isn’t sure which lies are compromised.
Jesse Ball, American writer and Poet.
When it comes to lying, this quote sums me up.
Every time. Well, maybe not every time- but most of the time, when someone lies- I nod in acceptance. I know that the person is lying- but I pretend that I don’t it. They walk away thinking how gullible I am.
I am talking about both compulsive and pathological liars here. I have been the victim of both of them, sometimes by the same person.
And I have stopped confronting them. It doesn’t work. Most of the time, they attempt to cover their lies with more lies. Then there is emotional blackmailing, fake tears, etc.
I get more peace by ignoring and nodding, rather than confronting liars. I have no time for pathological liars, and for compulsive ones, I can only pity. I don’t hate them, I try to avoid them by shortening the conversation as much as possible.
As I said, people have lied to me all my life and some of my actions in life are repercussions for the lies I was told. Sometimes I get judged, and I have had people confronting me without knowing the whole truth. Normally, I choose to ignore them and let them live with their assumptions. Because I know more people will get hurt if I tell them the truth.
Does this make me a liar? Maybe it does. Or maybe not. It depends on how you define lie I guess.
I have met some amazing liars and their stories in my life. They have the compulsion to lie- regardless of the situation. A friend of mine was in a relationship with a compulsive liar partner and used to share cringy stories.
This is one of his many stories. I was allowed to publish here as long as I don’t mention any names.
Once we planned an evening out. My partner picked the restaurant and booked a table for the three of us. I wanted to hire a babysitter so that we could make the most of our rare evening out. But my partner told me off. Later, when I was getting ready, I happen to pick up my partner’s phone to check the time. I was greeted with a conversation between my partner and their friend.
My partner had sent this message to the friend. “Every time I want to have a nice evening out, my partner always brings the son with us. I am fed up with this. Why can’t we have a couple’s only night out?”
There was a long response but I didn’t read it. When I confronted my partner, they dismissed this as a joke.
Here’s another story from the same couple.
It happened when they were dating. Some people love to quiz each other at the early dates, and they were one of these types. So, my friend once asked for his date to call a sickie. The date agreed, but pretended that they hate lying too. They went through the process of writing down the excuse before making that phone call.
I knew what that person was doing, my friend recalls. But instead of seeing the lying side, I saw the effort that person was making.
There are other stories, but these were easiest to anonymise.
I doubt this couple is still together. Or maybe they are. I have lost touch with them.
Let’s admit it- we all have lied at some stage in our life. We have lied for different reasons. Whether it is to get that job or to avoid becoming the bearer of bad news, we all have lied. For me, I have lied to protect the liar. Bizarre, it seems, but it is true. Maybe my posthumous autobiography will reveal it all!!
I am not a compulsive or pathological liar, though, at least that’s what I think. I have lied in the past and I have told some white lies here and there. Like, I have lied to cut phone calls to someone I don’t get on well and I have made up stories to door-to-door salespeople. I have said things like ” I am doing great” and “nice to meet you”.Does this make me a liar of any category? I let you decide.
After recent events in my life, I have realised that sometimes; it is not worth explaining to others. People who genuinely want to know will listen to you before making any judgements for or against you. And there are liars.
“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”
Steve Irwin, Australian naturalist, conservationist and TV presenter.
Sometimes, it is easy to give up though. Especially when you know that you will receive no logical explanation.
I have noticed that people who lie don’t know or think that they are lying. This may not apply to all types of liars, but when caught, most liars have few things in common.
– Trying to convert the lie into a joke or a prank.
– Trying to justify their actions
– Emotional blackmailing
– Fight back, sticking to the original lie.
Which ones have you come across, if any?
